Fishing With Guides..Top 10 Excuses!

[tradd d]

After reading Greggs post as well as others in the past about booking guides, I couldn’t resist! I think we’ve all had great times out with guides, but every so often you get a skunk

Top Ten Excuses Used By Fishing Guides When The Fishing Is Lousy

10.The river is too high/low this time of year
9. The water is too muddy/clear for optimal fishing
8. The water is too fast/slow for your ability
7. The fish are catatonic today
6. There must have been a full moon last night
5. These trout have lockjaw
4. Too much fishing pressure has the trout running for their lives
3. The barometric pressure must be dropping
2. You’re not holding your tongue right

And the number one (MIDI drum roll please) excuse used by fishing guides when the fishing is lousy…
1. You should have been here yesterday.

All guides please heed this as simply Humor, many of my friends guide, as well as myself in the past, so please don’t take offense. ;D

[bob bolton]

Here’s one.

“Somethings fishy with the river today.”

Yup – happened.

Bob

[bill webster]

Thank goodness.

[keith b]

How about;
I just cant figure it out, we have good conditions and you are doing things the right way, I just cant explain it.

I have heard that more than once. 😕

[p.j. petiniot]

How about this one?

“I am a big, fat, lazy slug. I am un-professional and completely incompetent. I really can’t believe you hired me. I would more likely be able to guess the color of your wife’s underwear than figure out where even one fish of any size is holding anywhere on this particular river. I wish I would just drop over dead”

Well, this isn’t what the guide said to me. This is what I was thinking about the guide. Just replace the I and I am with “You” and “You are”

[Mike L.]

“You are the worst fisherman I have ever seen.”

[keith b]

Mike did you just calll PJ out with that post? 😉 ::)

How about this one, You see that flow coming out of the creek mouth there and the fish action in the eddy?  Well we are going to go down to this bouy and fish because I have seen people catch fish there.  

Seriously I was told that, and what it boiled down to was this,  Guide’s thinking, “That flow is really good but I am a lazy piece and would rather stroke my pony tail than try to keep the boat where the fish are, and I am glad these guys arent pushy, this is really easy money I am making today, I wonder if I have any beer in the cooler, we have about an hour left so I should give them a minute or two and then start heading back at about no wake speed to make them feel good about my time keeping”

Keith

[p.j. petiniot]

LOL Nu2, that’s what I was thinking.

“you’ll never catch a fish here with that fly”

“Well, I never thought you could catch a fish here with that fly” lol

[jarrod white]

Good stuff, guiding is definately a job where a bad day or a bad guide, sucks.

[Zach Matthews]

Ha!

[p.j. petiniot]

Zach,

You got it buddy. Two sides to every story for sure. All and all, most of my guide stories have been good.

I couldn’t be a full time guide, i’d toss somebody off the boat for sure.

I know there is a Tarpon guide that will use me as an example of what not to do for years, lol. I turned into a complete bafoon while trying to catch a tarpon. I still don’t understand it. I looked like i had never cast a fly in my life.

My first example is from a guy that showed up 3 hours late and screwed up the only fish I caught that day. It all started when the shop put the screws to us by pulling the old switcheroo on us.

I have friends that are guides and I usually spend many hours having them recount all the stupid things their clients have done in their presence. It’s a hoot for sure.

[keith b]

The first time I went to the Keys for bone and tarpon I told the guy I was a trout fisherman and he smurked.  Later in the day, as I was casting like someone that had never cast anything heavier than a 5wt (i hadnt), I was fighting a 12 wt and he got a call and I heard him say, oh you are a trout fisherman, I have a trout fisherman on the boat right now and he laughed.
Keith

[p.j. petiniot]

I have cast higher weight rods, I just lost my mind. Information overload and Tarpon fever. No other excuses.

[gregg mckee]

I knew that type of guide all too well in the Keys, the God Of The Flats.

[gregg mckee]

While we’re on the subject of guides, if any of you are planning a Key West trip look up Capt. Mike Bartlett.

[Mark Landerman]

“You are the worst fisherman I have ever seen.”

I am sorry I said that.

10. My little girl could have made that cast.
9. Mend, f******, mend.
8. Missed strike.
7. Missed strike.
6. If you fished more and drank less, you might have caught a fish by now.
5. Yup. Take a piss, miss a rise. Happens every time.
4. No one cares how much money you make, you still can’t cast.
3. Two more hours til I can spark one up.
2. Missed strike.

and the number one:

1. [s:3iy9tlun]You are the worst client I've had all year[/s:3iy9tlun] I’ve never seen a more dedicated fisherman! [s:3iy9tlun]Where's my tip.[/s:3iy9tlun] And such a lovely cast. [s:3iy9tlun]Tip, dammit, tip.[/s:3iy9tlun] See you next year!

It sounds like you have fished with me before……….

[Mike L.]

Sometimes your words cut like razorblades.

[p.j. petiniot]

Mike,

Let me give you a hug :-*

It will be alright 🙂

[tradd d]

Zach too funny!

Here are few more classics
“it must be the guy that tied the fly”

“Another Guide has already fished this stretch with his clients and the fish are resting…”

“The fishing gods must be mad at you. what did you do?”

[keith b]

I learned a lot from that first guiding experience, trust me.

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