A storied life
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So after many years of educating and enlightening myself i have come to several conclusions. One I do not want to be working for the man or be the man. Two people often regret doing the traditional grind. So here i am a semester from graduation and all i can think is,” Damn, I want to lead the life books and stories are made of…”
Nick – I hear you man, and I’ve been there. As have many on this board. And I have a few thoughts on the subject. If I may…
First, you should know a bit about me: I’m 29 and live in central Pennsylvania. I started fly fishing when I was 14 and fell hard and fast for what it offered me: an identity at an age when so many of us are searching for self. I was involved in quite a few activities, but if asked what I was interested in, the answer was always ‘fishing’.
When I graduated high school I enrolled at Penn State University in engineering. Everything I had established about myself pointed to an engineering ‘career’. I excelled in math and science, my family came from the trade unions, and I had an interest in how things were built.
It took me quite a while, but I eventually discovered that engineering just wasn’t for me. This was about the time that my high school sweetheart left me. I had been struggling with clinical depression since I was 17, and when Tiffany left I went off the deep end. I started taking a look at my life.
I decided that I wanted to have some sort of meaning, and to live, as you put it, a ‘storied life.’ I was also looking for a way to cure my depression that would free me from the Prozac Nation. I made a knee-jerk decision to go West, where there were (and are) trout to be caught and discover the chance to find the story of my young life. I was convinced that the right situation would cure me, not the medication I was on.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I was also looking for a story that women would find ‘romantic.’ Thank the lord I’m not a Prosek….
I decided that the best way to end up in the new American West was to join the United States Forest Service as a member on a Hotshot crew. This notion had something to do with a story in a book by Norman Maclean.
Anyway- a very long, very humorous, very sad story short: The wildland fire job fell through and I decided to head West on my own. With no plans. I had enough money in my pocket to get there, but not enough to get home. Some form of income was necessary to get back to Penn State. I ended up getting a job at a campground on the Bighorn River in Montana. Fished in the morning, worked 14 hours a day, and fished at night. I lived in a tiny camper that the owners provided on the edge of the campground dump.
I was in heaven.
About three weeks into this gig I was taking down a barbed wire fence. It was 113 degrees. 113 degrees Fahrenheit. (You need to know that my thick Hungarian blood doesn’t deal with heat well. If it’s above 70, it’s hot.) Now, if you have never dealt with barbed wire before, know this: it has a tendency to want to go back on its spool. When you clip it from the post there’s a good chance you’ll end up wrapped in the stuff. You sorta have to sneak up on the bastard….
It should be said that between the oppressive heat (‘it’s a dry heat, you’ll never even notice.’ yeah?, so is an oven. Idiots.) and the G*DDA*N barbed wire, I was pretty miserable. And here comes the owner in his nice, air conditioned truck…
“Hot out, ain’t it?”
“Yeah Al. It’s hot.”
“I brought you a cold Gatorade. Here.”
I took the bottle. I was a bit delirious from the heat and the g*d f*cking d*mn barbed wire that had sliced me in a dozen different places. I never noticed that the bottle of god’s own elixir, ‘Gatorade’, was piss warm.
I took a long, thirsty drink.
I puked. I gasped. I threw the bottle hard enough and put a big dent in Al’s truck door. He laughed. “How would you like to go to Alaska?” he asks.
Alaska? Alaska is beautiful. It’s wilderness. It offers a sense of adventure, even more so than Montana. And It’s not 113 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.
“Sign me up. I don’t care what the deal is, I want to go.”
Two days later I was on a plane with two guys I had never met before, on my way to Bristol Bay, Alaska, to be a commercial fisherman.
Since then I’ve bought my own boat, built my life around being a fisherman, and fly fish when I want to. I work in construction management in the winter to help pay off my life in Alaska. But eventually, my boat will make me self-sufficient and I’ll have the life I’ve always dreamt of:
Master of my own destiny and a way to live the storied life I’ve always dreamt for myself.
Now the story of that season, and the story of how I ended up owning my own commercial fishing boat in Bristol Bay is another tale. But take this from what I’ve written:
1. Every life is a ‘storied’ life. Even if you’re working for ‘the man’ and have a wife and family, this isn’t any less romantic than the cowboy living a life of adventure and romance. Everyday life holds a wealth of drama. I guarantee that the cowboy dreams of a ‘normal’ life.
2. You live in America. There are a million ways to live your life. And no one, NO ONE, can tell you what your life should be. Some of us search for 70 years to figure things out. Some of us are fortunate enough to figure things out early. But you’re on a path of your own choosing. Figure out who you are and make choices accordingly. They don’t have to be the right choices. ‘Mistakes’ can be more important than you would ever believe.
3. You live in America. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. There may be consequences, but you can live your life according to you rules. Take a chance. You’re young. If the man takes everything you have away from you, he ain’t getting much.
4. Get your degree. It will come in handy if everything falls apart on you.
5. Krakauer has a tendency to do this to people. Not everyone is Alex Supertramp. If you want a list of books to look to as tome of how you live your life, PM or email me and we can start a discussion off line.
6. You already live in the American West. If you’re looking for somewhere to find yourself, look at Alaska. Again, if you want more info, PM or email me. (This goes for anyone that posts here.)
7. You live in America. There are literally thousands of ways to make a living. Hell, there are a thousand ways to become a millionaire. Don’t sweat it too much. Life is a struggle, but you’ll manage.
8. Again. Every life is a storied life. The secret is to find the amazing and remarkable in the ordinary and mundane. If you cannot make a leap of faith, find the romance, adventure, and love story in your everyday life. It’s there, you just need to live it.
The truth is all around you Nick. Just gotta figure out your own story and live it. You’ll find that adventure novel of a life if you stay true to yourself. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You have a long life ahead of you.
Very sincerely,
Ryan Sabo
Fisherman, adventurer, writer, fly fisherman, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend, and philosopher. In no particular order.
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